List of memorable quotes from Wade Wilson.
Quotes by Wade Wilson[]
- "I'm sorry, I, uh... I ate a lot of sugar today. "
- ―Wade Wilson
- "Duh! Paper or plastic? Hellooo? You have any idea what plastic bags do to the environment? I'm Al Gore's message of death, bee-yotch!"
- ―Wade Wilson
- "You know, at some point, you, uh, you might wanna consider sitting down with somebody. You know, have a little share time? Kick back. Get in touch with your inner child, that sorta thing. Also, just a thought, but you might wanna consider blinking once in a while."
- ―Wade Wilson
- "Can you send me forward to the time when I was mowing my lawn and my next door neighbor, Mrs. Nowicki, asked if I could rub lotion on her back and I ran and locked myself in the Bathroom? I'd really like a do-over on that one, please."
- ―Wade Wilson
- "You know the kind of woman that just screams trouble? You see her, and every warning bell in your brain starts going off, but you still manage to ask for her number? Well, that's all I ever hook up with. But this betty... whoa! She blew them all away in the shitstorm sweepstakes."
- ―Wade Wilson
- "No wait, do you have any idea how many STD's I could have?"
- ―Wade Wilson
- "Okay, first off, that's just rude. Second, I'm pretty sure we saved your ass back there."
- ―Wade Wilson
- "Don't you ninja monks ever shower? I mean, what are you...french?"
- ―Wade Wilson
- "This little peashooter, it's a modified version of the Army's objective individual combat weapon. Of course, it doesn't have the range of a *sword*, but, uh... "
- ―Wade Wilson
- "Say Jar Jar Binks is an abomination. Say it!"
- ―Wade Wilson
- "Welcome to the honeycomb hideout."
- ―Wade Wilson
- "You don't want to eat me. I irritate the bowel."
- ―Wade Wilson
- "Let's face it, we are fighting a losing battle here. So we kill a few hundred of them a year, big deal. There are thousands of them out there, maybe tens of thousands. We need a new tactic."
- ―Wade Wilson
- "You have any idea how hard it is to find a joint that'll serve a guy in a mask? They won't even let me into Taco Bell!"
- ―Wade Wilson
- "What do you get when you cross a vampire with a werewolf? You get a fur coat that sticks to your neck!"
- ―Wade Wilson
- "It's an angel of God. My glorious Bea Arthur."
- ―Wade Wilson
- "She's making playlists. She likes to listen to MP3s when she hunts. It's like her own internal soundtrack, you know? Dark core, trip-hop, whatever kids are listening to these days. Me, I'm more of a David Hasselhoff fan, you know?"
- ―Wade Wilson
- "Shhh. My common sense is tingling."
- ―Wade Wilson
- "Well, we were gonna go with the Care Bears, but, uh, that was taken."
- ―Wade Wilson
- "Come to think of it, I've seen tougher KEN dolls than you! And I mean take your pick here mod-hair Ken, disco Ken, summer fun Ken, I let Barbie whip me 'cos I'm a wuss Ken. Any of you guys listening to me?"
- ―Wade Wilson
- "Don't you know that fur is murder?"
- ―Wade Wilson
- "Oh, no! He's beating our meat!"
- ―Wade Wilson
- "I can tell you two things. One, your hairdo is... ridiculous. Two, I ate a lot of garlic, and I just farted. Silent but deadly."
- ―Wade Wilson
- "Hey, check it out, they had a bomb in there! So I used it to bomb their asses! Who's the man?"
- ―Wade Wilson
- "It's a new flavor-crystal formula. Twice the chocolaty goodness, half the calories. Plus it helps prevent tooth decay. There."
- ―Wade Wilson
- "Take your stinking paws off him, you damn dirty..."
- ―Wade Wilson
- "Hey, hey, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! Where are you going? Where the fuck is he going? This is supposed to be a rescue!"
- ―Wade Wilson
- "All I ever wanted was to travel off in exotic places and meet new exciting people and then kill them, so I became a mercenary."
- ―Wade Wilson
- "So I'm thinkin' a temple of blind, deaf and mute monks ain't the best place to carry on this conversation, huh?"
- ―Wade Wilson
- "I love this weapon more than any other thing in the whole wide world, and you wanna know why? It's memorable."
- ―Wade Wilson
- "You know what? Fuck tacos. And waiting. Damn you, Bullseye...damn you for making me hurt the ones I love. This time, it's personal. This time... it's for the tacos."
- ―Wade Wilson
- "What the fuck?"
- ―Wade Wilson
- "Well, Samuel, just cause you got rocket-farting powers, doesn't mean I'm not gonna fight my teammates."
- ―Wade Wilson
- "Time to go to work."
- ―Wade Wilson
- "What the hell's a quatloon? Some Kind of Potato?"
- ―Wade Wilson
- "Okay. People are dead."
- ―Wade Wilson
- "Concussion....Grenade...Ouch...Healing Factor...The Old Pain Receptors...Constantly Shuffling...Letting Me Absorb...The Blast...But...Now...Talking...Like...Shatner."
- ―Wade Wilson
- "Hang in there, kitten. I'll get help."
- ―Wade Wilson
- "Yeah. That is a gun in my pants. But that doesn't mean I'm not happy to see you..."
- ―Wade Wilson
- "I have a... I have a question about that, actually. Have you ever been laid?"
- ―Wade Wilson
- "Wow, you look... really hot with that gun. Wanna go get some tacos with me after I finish killing the rest of these Draculas?"
- ―Wade Wilson
- "We're still trying to sort out fact from fiction when it comes to Dracula. Turning into mist? Kinda doubt it. But general shape-shifting? Maybe."
- ―Wade Wilson
- "Now this chair is really comfortable. Yeah. But can it Explode?! Didn't think so."
- ―Wade Wilson
- "Hey Blade, I got a question for you. Say we're successful, say we wipe out all the vampires. What then? Huh? Ever ask yourself that? I mean, somehow I don't picture you teaching Karate at the local Y. He hates me, doesn't he?"
- ―Wade Wilson
- "Oh my God! I FORGOT THE DOG!"
- ―Wade Wilson
- "You made a goddamn vampire Pomeranian?"
- ―Wade Wilson
- "You're looking at the chihuahua, right? Sometimes I go too far, I'm the first to admit it."
- ―Wade Wilson
- "How about you take a sugar-frosted fuck off the end of my dick?"
- ―Wade Wilson
- "It's in my left ass cheek. Fine. It's in my right ass cheek. Okay, I'm - okay, seriously now. It's in the meat of my butt, just below the Hello Kitty tattoo. Seriously, just pull down my tighty-whities and see for yourself."
- ―Wade Wilson
- "Tell 'em time and time again, keep your mouth shut, but women, you know? They just don't listen!"
- ―Wade Wilson
- "Ha! The movies are just a comforting fairy-tale compared to the real deal."
- ―Wade Wilson
- "The day my father Odin banished me from Asgard, I was bitten by a vampire, had Radioactive waste dumped into my eyes and to make matters worse my mutant ability to control weather was activated just as I was hit by a blast of Gamma Radiation."
- ―Wade Wilson
- "I just love bikes. It's not the safest passion to have, but I guess it's better than Russian roulette."
- ―Wade Wilson
- "I'd have gone with John too. But unfortunately, he's busy not being good enough."
- ―Wade Wilson
- "I got it. I'm gonna make you look good up there. Don't worry, okay? Now let's get these pants off."
- ―Wade Wilson
- "You know, I used to know this kid. Was a funny looking bastard. One day, he's standing on the mound, and he throws a perfect game. And then he blew his shoulder out, never played again."
- ―Wade Wilson
- "Sorry, I'm late. Help yourself, there's water from the tap!"
- ―Wade Wilson
- "To infinity and beyond. By the power of Grayskull."
- ―Wade Wilson
- "What's with all the green?"
- ―Wade Wilson
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Conversations with Wade Wilson[]
- "Ooh, gonna be sorry you did that."
- ―Wade Wilson
- "Why? Nobody's coming for you, King-shit."
- ―Asher Talos
- "Sure they are. God! See, one of the things you fuckheads need to know about us is that when you join our club, you get all sorts of groovy little door prizes, and one of them is this nifty little tracking node surgically implanted in your body."
- ―Wade Wilson
[all laugh]
- "Bullshit."
- ―Hunter Golmen
- "Yeah. See, when one of us goes missing, the others, they just dial up the satellite... which is in space. And then presto. Instant cavalry."
- ―Wade Wilson
Spoken about Wade Wilson[]
- "Wolverine rip-off?" Tell Slade I said hi."
- ―Victor Creed